Mountain Olive

I feel like my brain often mirrors the paint colour wall at Home Depot; every possible scenario at the ready, overwhelmed with excessive options. I stood there, paralyzed, in awe of the Everest of choices that lay before me. I believe the ultimate ceremony marking the entrance into adulthood is the moment you realize just how many hundreds of variations exist for white wall paint. It’s laughable which feels on point, because without a sense of humor, one can not survive adulthood.

The flip side of being an Enneagram Nine, with compassion, empathy, and an antenna always scanning the room for others’ emotions, is that it feels incredibly foreign to scan your own feelings, identify your own desires, and actually make a choice. It’s like writing my name with my left hand. While blindfolded. Some kind of underdeveloped muscle that requires constant practice with the little things. Like selecting which shade of green to buy to paint my little downstairs bathroom.

I’ve been on the road less this year, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t struggled with not being constantly busy or on the run. It’s a transition time for me, and I’m getting really close with new music and my vision for it. Right now, I’m working on cultivating a new home inside my body, mind, and spirit. Physical home projects have been helping me a lot with that.

I had a vision for a rich, earth-toned green—a colour that felt like the walls of a secret garden, with gold accents in the room like little flecks of sunlight. I brought home twenty different paint chips and narrowed them down to three. I felt a pull toward one called Mountain Olive.

Sam and I waltzed back into Home Depot with our selection. Leaving with the can swinging in my hand felt like I had slayed some kind of dragon. Because honestly, I don’t care how this bathroom turns out. It’s not about the outcome of this project for me; it’s about the choosing. And how liberating that feels.

Because when it comes to choosing a song, or the visuals, or what I want to say artistically in my career right now, the fear is big and the stakes feel higher. So I’m practicing the act of choosing, starting with Mountain Olive green. And learning that a can of paint can do wonders for a little bathroom. And even more for the one holding the roller.

From one wandering soul to another, I hope you know you’re loved as you are.

<3 T